Peace in the Wilderness

And it happened again-Surgery! Given my cultural upbringing anytime one has to go through the knife, it is a big deal; so the over year long process to this ordeal was very heart wrenching for me. I am a very private person and I have struggled with the decision on whether to share this, especially as I didn't even share with my family until now. However thinking back, I would be cheating God if I just kept being ambivalent especially as even through this agony, He came out mighty big to show His greatness and never ending love for me. 

When after a few Emergency Room visits and specialist visits I was diagnosed with endometriosis advanced to endometrioma, I was initially mad at God and after bargaining with Him I decided I was going to up my faith and see Him supernaturally heal me. My faith did go up, I got closer to God but after 8 months there was no change, instead the scan showed the disease had taken a turn for the worse. The doctor referred me to another specialist and lectured me about doing something about it as clearly whatever I had hoped for, had not worked. When I left her office, I cussed her some for what in my opinion I considered being so loud and negative and quietly asked God that together we show her who was in control. I ventured into healthier eating but if am honest it was a cycle of one week on and then darn who cares. I tried alternative medicine and in the midst of all this, one of my friends who was helping me out with herbal meds asked for a doctor's note to get a synopsis of what was actually going down. 

The doctor’s office was so kind as to give me a report from May 2017 when I first visited. The report was very detailed and a big chunk of it was spent describing not the ailment but the counseling that went on. The wording of the report, rubbed me wrong as it made me seem like a big whiner who was in denial of what scientifically needed to be done. So after a series of herbal meds, at my next specialist visit, I told God to show Himself otherwise given my limited knowledge on medicine , I had no option but to give in to the doctor’s orders. And so it was, my worst fears confirmed, I put on a brave face and listened to the next steps from the specialist. On my ride back to work, I called my aunt to help me process the news, she started to fret and I rubbed my tears away as I needed to be strong for the both of us. When I got to work, I had to get on with business as usual however hard. A colleague asked me about my visit and with a lump in my throat, I said I'm having surgery, he tried to press for details but I didn't have the strength to get into the details .He tried to act goofy in an attempt to cheer me up but I wasn't having it and distracted myself with screen time. 

The true camper I am, the next days went by as normal until the call from the hospital scheduler came with options for the next appointments, pre-op, op and post -op. I was very cooperative with her and together we worked out some dates. And then after that phone call,  bang just like that panic mode struck again… what was I going to tell people, just where was my God , who was going to be there for me, it was a disarray of meaningless questions that only managed to depress me. As I spoke to a friend that day, she preached to me about not caring about people's opinions and to just consider my health. I then told her the reason I was not running to people, is that in 2015 I had been in the same spot with another procedure and was abundantly loved and supported, by these same people and it was just so uncomfortable telling them I was here yet again especially as I felt I still owed them. In my mind, I also didn't want them to question where my God was and why I got this load. What followed is the greatest miracle of my 2018.

 As the days rolled by, God in his great mercy gave me peace, so much peace that joy overflowed through me. And just as I was busy minding my business, my workmate asked me what plans I had for the medical bill, given my new acquired state of mind, I told him I was not thinking that far and would cross that bridge when I got there. He then told me, he had discussed my pending surgery with his wife and together they had agreed to contribute $1000 to my medical expenses. In that moment, especially with kind gestures becoming less common, I felt like God was hugging me and telling me it was going to be OK.

So on the D-Day, as I entered that op room, I was so oblivious to what was going on as I knew the Lord of heaven and earth was in control. My recovery has been remarkable, after living in pain for so long I can't believe I go pain free for days on and this is the new normal. In the period post my surgery, I listened to a song I learnt last year and this time the lyrics spoke to my situation.

The lyrics go...

No matter what it looks like I just want You, want You…

In every space of my life I invite You, invite You …

[Chorus 1] Like a fire, like a flood

 Come however You want, However You want…

 With Your power, with Your love

 Come however You want However You want..

 [Verse 2] You're breaking all the boxes, Tearing down the walls, the walls..

 You have no limitations You exceed them all You exceed them all...
 Link to Song-Come However you want...
It is worth a listen to put this in context🔺

And indeed, He did come how he wanted, through a medical procedure for me, He proved yet again to be Jehovah Rapha, my healer.