If
you are like me most likely when you were young, you admired grown up’s. In
your eyes or should I say mine they just seemed to have it ALL. Uh I can’t tell
you how many times now that I am a grown up I have looked at little children
and wished I was them. Having been there before and being this side now I am convinced
without a shadow of doubt that they have the better side of the coin. Even the
Lord Jesus Christ said, “Let the little children come to me,
and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
A
child is always a child to their parents in and in many ways especially at my
most vulnerable, I have refused to grow up and have run to mum dearest with my worries still believing she will wave that
magic wand and it will all be well. Well not this time, an excruciating pain had
I been ignoring and hoping would go away necessitated that I visit the
Emergency Room late one Monday night. There I was alone and frightened but
determined to get rid of the pain and find out what was wrong with me at
whatever cost. What I thought would be a 2 hour wait rolled right through the night
and into the morning. I went through procedures that I had only previously only
seen on TV shows and as I put on a brave face with every new one, hiding my fears,
I couldn’t help but reflect on how blessed I was.
I
fussed when I had the intravenous catheter put in and the nurse was shocked
that at my age I had never had one. This was the better of the procedures especially
as when the results from everything were compiled and delivered, it was not
good news. As I bowled my eyes out, the doctor kept saying not to worry as it
wasn’t cancerous. For her, having seen I
guess most of what it is out there my situation wasn’t so alarming and yet for
me it felt like my world had come crashing as I pondered on why me and what was
next for me.
I
went through a lot of emotions that day, including being angry at the All
Knowing one, but try as I might I felt
deep within me this wasn’t news to share with my mother, at least not yet. The
old me would have run to her without a thought, regardless of whether it was
sensible or not, so as I went through the day I realized the fact that I was
holding up from sharing with her meant that finally I was emerging from being a
chicken to an eagle. After all nothing was clear about the next step and what
good was sharing with her going to do
but worry her over something she
had no control over.
By
the end of the day I knew that to rise above this situation the only way was up
and not down if I was to overcome. I calmed down and I remember what really sustained
me was changing my train of thought; Instead of asking God why out of the many
people that would be in my position this burden had fallen on me, I decided to
instead thank God. The doctor had
implied there were people out there with more dire situations, worse still
there are people who have my one night in the ER as a daily occurrence.
Thinking this way has not only helped me
truly appreciate how blessed I am but
has showed me that growing up is not
being selfish but is instead looking at things square in the face , with an I
can do it attitude.
I
am still on this journey of proclaiming healing and restorations and I Know God
uses different ways to heal us, I don’t know yet if it is miraculously going to
go away or if am going to need surgery , but I am carrying on as normal, taking
each day at a time , growing and believing for the very best from Jehovah Rapha.
