To Love and To Be Loved!

 

“Children are the crowning glory of the aged”

Proverbs 17:6

 

That verse brings to life the special bond I had with my grandmother; I was her beloved and she mine. My first vivid memory of her is she picking me from kindergarten and we would take the short walk back home together hand in hand. On one of those early afternoons, I refused to hold her hand telling her I didn't approve of the improvised string of cloth she had around her gomesi (dress) as opposed to a proper kitambala (sash). She was obviously amused by my reaction for instead of telling me off, my comment humoured her. Over the years she fondly told this story on days no end about me being a snob and how she ensured she looked her very best from then on. She told this story in so many versions and used it as an example for all us to ensure we always looked representable and ready for whatever task came our way.

Living over 2 hours’ drive away from us, her visits were always a welcome sight to me and our bond grew ever so strong. With time it became clear, ours was not a love of merely sharing blood but a profound connection. She was not shy to show that she loved some family members more than others. So after 5 years of ailing on and off, when I first heard of her passing, my first reaction was placidity. Being miles away from home, as the messages started flowing in, I was dismissive and frigid at the very most; not until I got one from one of my sisters that denoted my loss. It read "your grandmother has gone home" it was ghastly reading those words and they evoked in me a very somber feeling and suddenly the weight of my loss hit me.

As I processed the loss, I was a bag of mixed emotions, the most important being the certainty of our love for each other. As I relived some of the memories I was glad that she was free from the pain that had characterized the last leg of her life and that in so many ways had stopped her from truly living. A devout catholic, she prayed and twisted the rosary beads like her life depended on it, I would tease her and make funny faces as she knelt and prayed but that never detoured her from communicating to her maker. She always made a party of the annual Martyrs’ day, it was her special pilgrimage and it was sad that when Pope Francis visited Uganda in June 2017, in spite of having secured her a VIP ticket she was yet again too sick to attend.

She liked to turn up and even on the hospital bed, I always teased that the patient looked a ton too healthy. Her favorite accessory was a mirror and rarely did I see her grey hair. She was happiest when gifted with clothes or cosmetics. On my 2nd last visit, just like her she protested that I had not brought her perfume. In hindsight I had not thought it a priority for someone who was bedridden half the time, but I should have known better.

My grief is made easier by all my family members who affirm that ours was a friendship to envy. And in the words of my sister, who over the years decided she was more my grandmother than anyone else...
“Joey, take comfort in the knowledge that you were greatly love by your grandmother she wasn’t ashamed to show it, express it or even tell it to whoever cared to listen. I personally choose to remember her as a person who loved outdoors and parties.”

And steal the party she did, I laughed silly when I heard from my mum that on her death bed she was on edge - not simply because of the pain but because she got anxious  about dying during a pandemic. She was distraught, concerned mainly on the issue of not having enough people to give her a send-off. I'm sure she was smiling on the other side as I hear it was quite the well-deserved celebration for her 88 years on earth.

Her going has emphasized to me, that no matter how old someone is, or how much you want them to be free from their pain, even with the assurance of heaven, you can never truly be ready to say goodbye. The good book has many variations of painting the reality of life and death to us and at times like this, it pays to lean on its reassuring words. 2Corinthians 5:8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.