Full Circle

Have you ever walked into a place and felt like living there or working there would be a dream come true? Well in 2014  I was hired by  a Global  Investment Company and from when i got the call that i had been taken on, i couldn't help thinking how lucky i was, actually so blessed to be joining their team. The first 4 weeks had intensive training and went pretty quick with me half the time mesmerized with the palatial building that housed over 500 employees.

With the training done, tests passed soon we were thrown out on the floor and tasked to work on our own. Like any other job there was the initial excitement that comes in as you get the hang of the job until you find your comfort zone and push yourself on. In this case though the tranquil setting and modern decor of the building didn't in any way match the work dynamics and soon work became a chore as i got lost in the sea of people

Initially everyone is tasked to be helpful with the newbies but this doesn't last long. All official communication was done electronically and let's say my two computer screens became my best friends. I'm not one to focus so much on what is not and so as the months went by i learnt to cope, I was not alone but very lonely and alienated most of the time and i learnt to take solace in the occasional friendly voice on the other side of the phone or as fate would have it i had run into an old face that was not only from back home but from my neighborhood. She worked in the IT department on the other side of the building, we would correspond and sometimes managed to have our lunch together and that was plenty of help. However my biggest champion in surviving the lone cold days at that place was in someone i call a friend.

 I remember it was towards Christmas time; I had just been moved to a new team and was working out my bearings trying to find a helpful face. And out of the blue there she was with the most charming smile she asked me what plans I had for the holidays. I told her as a matter of fact i was trying to get out early that day as I wanted to catch the Christmas carols at my local church among other things. Luckily for us it was one of those slow days and we were offered voluntary early release, before i left she asked for my phone number and well i didn't think much of until she called later that night to ask me about the Christmas carols. That phone call was the beginning of many and a great friendship and even across the miles as i have since relocated this woman of excellence continues to inspire me and keep me afloat when I am losing it.

Last weekend, the great cheerleader that she is asked how I was doing and why i had not written in long, I told her I hadn't been particularly inspired and in true form after reassuring me, she sent me something that she had written as a leaf from me. It so spoke to me and of course I asked if I could share, the answer was affirmative so gladly here goes;

Give  Me Your Mountain(By Cassandre Ezike)

 I was sitting in my living room when suddenly I felt a strong urge to pray, i had been thinking back on my life. I had been dealing with a personal issue that rendered my heart very heavy. I even started to doubt God and wanted to give up on Him. I thought what is the point? But I heard in the stillness of my soul. “Give me your Mountain!" And i uttered these exact words underneath my breath , " Jesus i give you this mountain of pain , I give you  this mountain of rejection, I give you this mountain of financial burdens, I give you this mountain of loneliness, I give it all to you Jesus. Anyone that has hurt me, I choose to forgive them and i want you to replace the hurt with your love for i no longer want to hold onto hurt. I give it all to you.  Replace the anger that I harbored for so long with thoughts of you Jesus. I choose to trust you  Jesus even when i don't feel it , even if it doesn’t make sense to me. And thank you for doing it."

In that moment i yielded my spirit to Him and started to thank Him for lifting the burdens off my shoulders and I immediately felt a sudden change.

Jesus said that we would have many troubles in this world, but He has overcome the world. I don't know about you, but when I think of that scripture, it gives me assurance that no matter what I’m facing, no matter how bad it is I will get over it. We can declare the victory knowing that whatever problems we are facing today, Jesus has already overcome. Every mountain that stands in our way  can be removed. Every giant that stands up in battle against us ,can be crashed in Jesus name. Through Christ Jesus i have victory and so can you. It is for a good reason that Jesus' earthly profession was a carpenter. He is the carpenter of my life , when I'm broken He fixes me . Let Him be the carpenter of yours.

And that there  as testified by Cassandre is how we come full circle, by giving our mountain(s) to the Lord.

Women of Excellence

Loving Up

Relationships are a critical  piece of our existence. Over the years i have  repeatedly read Rick Warren's " The Purpose Driven Life" to remind me of my purpose being here. Each time i have read the book it in many ways confirms what i thought all along that our purpose here is to Love, Love God,our neighbours and ourselves. Just love,love and care about others.

And no doubt for most of my life i have made it the purpose of my existence to love and care for my loved ones jealously. My mother always tells stories of how i was that one kid who always sent her letters back and forth while i was away at boarding school that didn't just ask for pocket money . This trait has carried on into my adult life and i will leave no stone unturned if i can help a loved one .
But what happens if you are giving ,giving and not receiving any love back. Where people have gotten to that point of accepting you as the anchor, unloading all the crap your way and not pausing for a second to say, hey ,how are you doing? And when i talk about receiving back it is not so much about the material attribute but the how are you, or a physical need gratified through a pat on the back , a hug or just the emotional need being met through encouragement .

As people we embrace love so tight and create affections right from kinship  to personal ties and friendships and inspite of the frustrations that may arise I for one am still there for loved ones  because love transcends all, it is the universal aspect of our human experience.

But then in recent times i have heard frequently the phrase , " Loving someone to death" so to say enabling them and taking away from their capabilities .
And much as i am all for undaunting love that never falters , i am also for drawing a line and knowing when to love by empowering someone, tough love so to say. In the recent past i have been forced to make a stand , draw back and watch as one of my loved ones tried to flip their wings on their own , as with all things some others saw this as  me being selfish;  justifying how the other party had always lived with a helping hand.

The guilt tripping worked for a minute but  i quickly put things in perspective acknowledging the  aspect of being a steward for someone else's life entwines with allowing them as much independence as possible to empower them.

Love after all in this context is illuminating someone's path by supporting them enough to thrive on their own. I think the best example is a parent who from the day a child enters the  world mentors them on how to think, how to feel and act and then let's go and trusts their judgement to do right in whatever the world throws at them.

So in the spirit of 'loving up' when other people let go, i hope we can feel powerful enough and tap into our abilities, remembering that they love us regardless and that the world needs all kinds of minds. Just like our mentors lets shine on by discovering new hobbies,pursuits and solutions.

More than Skin Deep

Many years ago as a Language student in England I struggled while making a presentation mainly because I felt like my accent was harboring my message.

However the Professor at the end of the class commended me on a job well done and while looking for reaffirmation I asked him if my accent had not come in the way of what I was saying. To my surprise he said it had instead added and helped him appreciate more what I had had to say, he also went on to say something that I have kept close at my heart since which is that  , the way I talk is part of my heritage and I should not change myself for anyone. This discovery was a show of deep truth; I learnt from it and have embraced it since in my many journeys in unfamiliar lands far, far away from home.

When I have been back home, I have had people wonder why I don’t have any of the exotic western accents. My people tend to be blindsided by thinking everything West is supreme and the ‘IT’ thing. Growing up we were punished for speaking our mother tongues while at school, one of the punishments for speaking vernacular was wearing a sack for a dress until you found someone else speaking the same and then you did the honors of passing it on, talk about alienating one from the cool English speakers. I totally get where the school system was coming from in their bid to ensure we learnt to not only write and speak but express ourselves fluently in the Colonizers language (no pun intended) that also double’s as my country’s official language.

I have a good command of both written and spoken English and I think in English half the time, sadly I also express myself better in English than my own language but then I have found that sometimes there are some things that happen and my language has a richer expression of what transpires and the English takes from it. When praying, I have also discovered that when I use my language it is more heartfelt whereas in English sometimes  it seems rushed or simply going through the motions.

I tend to speak my language more and more whenever I can, being far away from home I cherish every time I can get away with speaking it. Thanks to that professor’s revelation too, I no longer have binders up that prevent me from seeing the richness in not just my cultural heritage but my language in shaping my identity in an ever changing world. I believe our first language is critical to how we identify ourselves ad reinforces as well as builds our self-esteem.

After that epiphany many years ago as a foreign student many years ago , I am a silent advocate for people teaching children about their culture  and what easier place to start than teaching them how to speak their language. Understandably this easily said than done especially for kids who live away from where they are ethnically from and find themselves a minority of a minority in the societies they live in.

However it is possible and has been done, so you can imagine my joy when I met a cousin who is a 2^nd generation American, born and bred but speaks Luganda, my ethnic language as fluently as me. She is only 15 and I had an eventful time trying to engage her on her plans for the future. Her youthful energy was infectious as she talked about her goals and how she was navigating between different choices.  Most Ugandans will tell you we have a tendency to throw in few English words while speaking our native languages and vice versa so it was interesting how this has rubbed on her too.

As I sat back listening to her, I not only understood her story but it was 'Crystal' clear to me that expressing herself in more than one language in a way empowered her for the different audiences that she encounters owing to her cultural background.

Differences in a multi-cultural society should not only be accepted but celebrated. So proud of you Crystal for taking pride in your culture and language, even more proud of your mum my aunt Sarah for ensuring that what takes effort for others has now become instinctual for you .

I will continue to advocate that parents don’t erect barricades to stop their children from learning where they come from; charity begins at home so let’s use our tongues to embrace our languages as part of our identity.

The Oscars 2016; Making my Mark…

Award nights are big nights and I personally look forward to the big stars flaunting the red carpet with their glamorous expensive dresses. And of course once am awed with one of the gowns, it helps when the reporters ask them who they are wearing, not that I am about to jump wagon and go splashing on some designer rob that could feed my ‘village’, but it doesn’t hurt to know.

The next big night this year is the Oscar’s and despite the race controversy I will be hooked on. I have just been reading about how instead of asking the celebrities who they are wearing, they will be asked about their purpose. What drives them to get up every day? Who inspires them to make a difference in someone's life? How are they working to change the world for the better? Uh that will make a night for good television because much as some of them are really good at what they do I don’t know if they know what their purpose here on earth is, speaking of which how would I fare answering the same.

My purpose? Well, I would say to make a difference but then again that sounds so cliché like the beauty pageants standard answer “World Peace”

This takes me back to when I was first asked a question to this regard; as a kid my mum and other grown-ups always asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up” I can’t remember what my earliest answer would have been but most probably any of the following would have done- a teacher, doctor, lawyer …your typical white collar jobs.

With time, once I learnt more about the various careers my answer was always fixated to being a journalist and at that age being a free bird exploring the world, I guess my purpose was to be a happy, confident girl. And happy and confident I was, very well rounded and achieving on the academic front; the empowered girl child in a 3^rd world country but even that felt  innocuous and deep down I knew there must be more to my being here.

My inner resume has always asked me if what I have on paper is enough. What is my impact on the world besides waking up and doing what the world views as success?  Just how do I flip the script?

Granted I don’t have that much a following as the stars but even then what and who inspires me. Does my being here matter? How am I making a difference? If I was gone tomorrow what would my obituary read, would I be worth remembering 2, 5 years down the road. One fact is I am important and I am here for a purpose. I have cast my net deep and wide to find out for what exactly I am here for and I can sum it up in one word Love.

My greatest weakness is love; love for my family, for people I do life with, for the world, for humanity-my sole purpose is love. I’m inspired by love and try to make a difference using love. It is not for nothing that the great book says in 1 Corinthians 13:13, “Three things will last forever –faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.” I busk and glow in the glory of love and am happy to say I love and I am loved.

I don’t let life simply unfold but try to influence it whenever I have control of the flow. Some days I really feel good about being here, I smile to myself and whenever I can whisper a thank you to the Omnipotent one; other times Life simply happens, setbacks and major shifts in a direction I didn’t see coming but then again as long as am here, I try to channel my energy to a positive space, to love and when I do that I thrive.

So what is this thing called life and are you letting it take over or are you  making your mark on it.

Work and no Play...

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing.”

For as long as  I can remember growing up where I come from meant being sophisticated, owning whatever came your way with your head held high. “To be a young dignified lady” was the mantra we recited after every school assembly at my all girls’ high school.

Many a girl were criticized for not acting their age or being childish and determined not to be in that category I wore my maturity on a sleeve that I attained seriousness in my character. In the years when I should have been exploring and getting away with making stupid mistakes I was instead so busy proving that I had everything in order.

No regrets there  only that now with the numbers quickly crippling up on me and determined to prove the 21^st century slogan that the 20’s are the new 30’s , I have learnt to let my hair down much more often if only to find the  child in me and of course keep that much needed youthful look.

And oh boy isn’t playing so much fun. Yes, I continue to persevere to get whatever I am working for because it is definitely worthwhile but then again I once in a while switch off, take a moment to breathe and jump up and down like I just won the lottery.

Not so long ago, I took time to play a card game with a 7 year old. I forgot my worries, embraced the moment and just gave her my all as I accommodated her questions and all that came with our little conversation that it not only became hilarious but a delightful addition to my day. As I told her to help me wash the dishes she exclaimed on how good the washing liquid was as it removed all the bad people in Greece, startled as to where that came from when I asked her she read to me what it said on the bottle “Ultra Grease Fighting”

And just when I thought I had had as much laugh for the rest of the week, as we did our Bible study at the end of the day , a reading on the 2 sisters Mary and Martha reacting to the death of their brother Lazarus, she asked with a serious face, “how do you know this, where you there?” As I absorbed her question I clearly saw something pure and joyful and as I put my head down that night I felt so light that there was no room for any wrinkles to make their mark on me. On we play…

Happy 8th Birthday Begina Maria xoxo