The Oscars 2016; Making my Mark…

Award nights are big nights and I personally look forward to the big stars flaunting the red carpet with their glamorous expensive dresses. And of course once am awed with one of the gowns, it helps when the reporters ask them who they are wearing, not that I am about to jump wagon and go splashing on some designer rob that could feed my ‘village’, but it doesn’t hurt to know.

The next big night this year is the Oscar’s and despite the race controversy I will be hooked on. I have just been reading about how instead of asking the celebrities who they are wearing, they will be asked about their purpose. What drives them to get up every day? Who inspires them to make a difference in someone's life? How are they working to change the world for the better? Uh that will make a night for good television because much as some of them are really good at what they do I don’t know if they know what their purpose here on earth is, speaking of which how would I fare answering the same.

My purpose? Well, I would say to make a difference but then again that sounds so cliché like the beauty pageants standard answer “World Peace”

This takes me back to when I was first asked a question to this regard; as a kid my mum and other grown-ups always asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up” I can’t remember what my earliest answer would have been but most probably any of the following would have done- a teacher, doctor, lawyer …your typical white collar jobs.

With time, once I learnt more about the various careers my answer was always fixated to being a journalist and at that age being a free bird exploring the world, I guess my purpose was to be a happy, confident girl. And happy and confident I was, very well rounded and achieving on the academic front; the empowered girl child in a 3^rd world country but even that felt  innocuous and deep down I knew there must be more to my being here.

My inner resume has always asked me if what I have on paper is enough. What is my impact on the world besides waking up and doing what the world views as success?  Just how do I flip the script?

Granted I don’t have that much a following as the stars but even then what and who inspires me. Does my being here matter? How am I making a difference? If I was gone tomorrow what would my obituary read, would I be worth remembering 2, 5 years down the road. One fact is I am important and I am here for a purpose. I have cast my net deep and wide to find out for what exactly I am here for and I can sum it up in one word Love.

My greatest weakness is love; love for my family, for people I do life with, for the world, for humanity-my sole purpose is love. I’m inspired by love and try to make a difference using love. It is not for nothing that the great book says in 1 Corinthians 13:13, “Three things will last forever –faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.” I busk and glow in the glory of love and am happy to say I love and I am loved.

I don’t let life simply unfold but try to influence it whenever I have control of the flow. Some days I really feel good about being here, I smile to myself and whenever I can whisper a thank you to the Omnipotent one; other times Life simply happens, setbacks and major shifts in a direction I didn’t see coming but then again as long as am here, I try to channel my energy to a positive space, to love and when I do that I thrive.

So what is this thing called life and are you letting it take over or are you  making your mark on it.

Work and no Play...

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing.”

For as long as  I can remember growing up where I come from meant being sophisticated, owning whatever came your way with your head held high. “To be a young dignified lady” was the mantra we recited after every school assembly at my all girls’ high school.

Many a girl were criticized for not acting their age or being childish and determined not to be in that category I wore my maturity on a sleeve that I attained seriousness in my character. In the years when I should have been exploring and getting away with making stupid mistakes I was instead so busy proving that I had everything in order.

No regrets there  only that now with the numbers quickly crippling up on me and determined to prove the 21^st century slogan that the 20’s are the new 30’s , I have learnt to let my hair down much more often if only to find the  child in me and of course keep that much needed youthful look.

And oh boy isn’t playing so much fun. Yes, I continue to persevere to get whatever I am working for because it is definitely worthwhile but then again I once in a while switch off, take a moment to breathe and jump up and down like I just won the lottery.

Not so long ago, I took time to play a card game with a 7 year old. I forgot my worries, embraced the moment and just gave her my all as I accommodated her questions and all that came with our little conversation that it not only became hilarious but a delightful addition to my day. As I told her to help me wash the dishes she exclaimed on how good the washing liquid was as it removed all the bad people in Greece, startled as to where that came from when I asked her she read to me what it said on the bottle “Ultra Grease Fighting”

And just when I thought I had had as much laugh for the rest of the week, as we did our Bible study at the end of the day , a reading on the 2 sisters Mary and Martha reacting to the death of their brother Lazarus, she asked with a serious face, “how do you know this, where you there?” As I absorbed her question I clearly saw something pure and joyful and as I put my head down that night I felt so light that there was no room for any wrinkles to make their mark on me. On we play…

Happy 8th Birthday Begina Maria xoxo 

 

Mended Road; Going Forward.

I have had lots of adventures, seen places, made friends, done most of it. Some of it has made meaning, some not so much. As I have grown older I have paused to think and consider what is important before making my next move.

After a brief eventful  spell in the great  East coast  I felt like it was time to call it a day and move on to the next adventure. In the past hush decisions had led to me stumbling around a bend, so this time instead of going on a whim, I did lots of spiritual preparation and waited for God to point me in the right direction.

Waiting sucks and since I don’t have the virtue of patience, I deliberately had to separate myself from the forward flow of time determined to hear from God before setting off.  And God did speak or I thought He did, the messages on which was the right direction started flowing in as soon as I said Amen. There was beauty, the good, the bad and ugly but mainly confusion that I decided to just sit tight and give it my best where I was to avoid any wrong moves. And for months there I was striving hard to make it home, to make it work and just be content in the now and then only that there was hardly any peace and with every few steps there was a nudging that where I was wasn’t IT.

As I leaned onto the Father and asked Him to hold my arm, I gradually woke up to life remembering who and why I was on earth and the peace I was eagerly yearning for came in like a rush and suddenly I could feel His hand pointing me in the direction I should go. To cast out any doubt I might have, God continued to send little signs in the days building up to my move that it was the right decision.

Joy and peace settled in and with the move, His confirmation daily that gave me clarity on fact that I was on the right track. I couldn’t help but beat myself up with why it took so long; And then as I looked back I couldn’t deny that with every step I was never alone and there had been purpose.



The lovely Vivian ,my anchor in the waiting

In my waiting He blessed me with the knowledge that the main task of tomorrow is to live fully today fretting not about tomorrow but wholly trusting Him. As I waited I learnt that sharing is the one bridge to real happiness and even as I waited I was not only blessed but was a blessing to others.

Some mysteries are forever but for now I know where I am mistake or not is destined and it is not for me to know the times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority. After all He not only holds time in His hand but makes everything beautiful in His time and if we wait His promises as sure as day after the night will come.

Living Amazed

It is not for nothing that Why, is called the billion dollar question. Mid last year I was diagnosed with a health condition that not only left me in tears but left me asking why in so many different ways.  After the endless why’s I decided to get by as best as I could, but then one cold February day the excruciating pain confirmed that I couldn’t shelf the issue anymore but had to prioritize my health. Then followed a series of tests that revealed how dire my situation was and by the time my doctor came back to me to advise me the best solution was open surgery I eagerly accepted.

 When I first found out about the surgery option  I was so ecstatic, strange I know but after months of testing and prodding and trying out different stuff I welcomed the news that finally I would be rid of not only the pain but the cause of it. It was only later that night that it dawned on me how big a deal it was, after all my doctor had had to sit a medical committee down to get consensus on the way forward, and yet my fear wasn’t on the procedure itself but the fact that I had no one close by to hold my hand on the day of the surgery, someone to sit by and just love me.

After many nights of outbursts to the fact that those who had me in their thoughts and prayers were miles and miles away and would not be there for me physically I decided to wear my big girl pants and tell myself that the person who mattered most, the Alpha and Omega Jesus Christ himself would be there from the beginning to the end.

It’s amazing how a positive outlook and confession on life  can change the circumstances; No sooner had I accepted my dilemma (alone but not lonely) than the blessings started flowing in. Gone were the teary nights as Joy indeed did come in the morning. First was a financial blessing from faraway and the irony was not lost on me as people in my beloved 3^rd world country Uganda were reaching out to me  in the 1^st world to make my riding smooth. With the financial blessing came the suggestion of possibly having someone fly in to take care of me and I think for the first time I really understood the cliché, “It is the thought that matters” In that moment it didn’t matter if the person would come or not but the fact that they were willing to put their packed up schedule on hold for me just spelt LOVE.

Plugged In

 

It is now week 3 since my surgery and must I say it was not only successful but has given me a new outlook on life. It is like once I let God lead , He kept confirming to me  using different people that my job was not to worry as I couldn’t change a thing but all I had to do was turn up daily and let Him do the rest.

Many a times in my life I have said  I wish God would shout at me because I never hear Him when I desperately want to  and yet He confirms to me daily of not only his provision for me but his endless love. God still has yet to shout to get a message to me but in my recovery season He has without a doubt painted His love not only through the support mechanism and the medical team but He continues to daily confirm not only his provision but His endless love.

With my Awesome Florence Nightingale, I owe her xoxo

 

As if it is not enough that the amazing doctor did confirm on my last review that am healing beautifully , I had someone to hold my hand not only the day of surgery but even in between and in the days following  God has over whelmed me  with the love of friends.

 

What should have been a great trial in my life has instead been a moment of extraordinary love and confirmation that I not only live in a beautiful world but am fortunate to have such beautiful people in my life. Besides understanding the amazing thing called life better I have learnt that am stronger than I imagined. I am so blessed to have received all that love and will be riding on that compassion and generosity for a long time.  I feel like a brand new person who knows so much about life and love.

 As ironic as it maybe, I am thankful for this crack in my journey as much as it made me cry, at the end of the day I can say I have grown and know without a shadow of doubt something glorious is awaiting me.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

 

Resurrection Magic

Someone said, any holiday that starts with a Friday can’t be bad anyhow, so the Easter holiday has always been a favourite of mine.

To get over the how big Christmas was for me as a kid and how it has lost its buzz for me the older I have gotten, I always console myself by saying, Christ’s birth should be celebrated every day of our lives anyway (True that!).

However one holiday I didn’t know I still treasured and want to celebrate every year was Easter. And just like the birth story, the fact that we serve a risen Lord should be celebrated daily, much so during the period after Lent each year with a 4 day holiday. Well sob sob, I didn’t get my 4 day holiday, and if you thought it was just about the holiday, it is not. It is about the dawn of hope that for as long as I can remember starts on palm Sunday with the raising of palm leaves in praise  as we remember our saviour’s  journey to Jerusalem where our redemption not only started but was sealed;

Good Friday  the next week after palm Sunday when the Calvary story is brought to life as we try to live in the moment when our savior gave up His life for our redemption. I remember my very first participation in a 3mile walk to emulate the way of the cross last year that was organized jointly by all the churches in the area.

Until now I had never realized that living out the story of resurrection does lift me and not just because of the Easter songs but the symbol of hope and eternal life renewed in me.

 

I think there is no more other time other than Easter when the fact that our God is love is displayed bolder than ever. To think that He left his grand home in heaven, lived among us, got abused by the same people he came to save and then suffered a brutal death at the hands of the very same people. As a kid I always thought to myself just like some people down there in Golgotha that day , if he was really God  why didn’t he stop this. Actually in my child like mind I always thought if it was me I would have done some superman tricks , jumped off the cross and flown into heaven. As I grew older I appreciated the fact that indeed Jesus could have stopped this script right from the garden before Judas betrayed him but he let his love for us take the day so that we could not only be free from the curse of sin but have hope.

So I did feel cheated that there was no raising of palms this year for me, nor a good Friday service and a Easter Monday .Easter Monday as a matter of fact doesn’t even exist on the official calendar here. Henceforth as long as I have breath  I will  try  to celebrate, the birth and resurrection not just daily but much more so on the days that the rest of the world joins in to celebrate them as a unified body, the bride of our Lord Jesus.

Embracing Life's Seasons

 

My Special January Flavour

I started the year on a bang, January was all things sweet and spicy just like any girl would like it, and then bang February arrived with a vengeance that among others not only saw me use the word shovelling almost daily but also get to do the actual shovelling which I hated with a passion. I kept asking myself how the hell this had become my reality especially as the scene that played out in my life was only one I had previously seen only in movies. And yes, I rose to the occasion, I did what I had to do and the time came and went and with it a change in the weather mainly Spring being officially here albeit not yet ready to take off. And how so much like my life, the winter winds continue to blow, but like it or not spring has come forth and at some point the flowers will blossom.

 

I grew up in a tropical environment, seasons there are something you read about but never actually experience unless you are a farmer who has to look out for the rainy season to sow and sunny season to harvest. So the 4 seasons in true sense, Winter, Spring, Summer and Autumn are truly a foreign concept to me.  After my first encounter with winter some many years ago, the darkness, the headaches, the endless cold and colds that come with it,  I decided I for one didn’t care about seasons and yet here I am in a place that is on record for one of the worst hit  winter 2014/2015.

Magnificent  Effect of the Winter Blues

 

Looking back now that the worst is over ( I hope it is )after all spring is officially here, I can’t help but reflect on how so much like  the different seasons our lives are, the ups, the downs, the 'in-betweens', that no matter what always bring a new day. In the last 3 months I have said the word crossroads so much that I hope I never have to use it ever again in my life but then again seasons come, they go and they come again; And even in the darkest of winter there is light.  It is not for nothing that King Solomon wrote "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1. So yes, the crossroads were many that at one point it didn’t make sense to take one day at a time but hour by hour gradually the days became weeks, the weeks became months and the season became Spring, an optimistic time.

And yet looking back winter was not all bad, when I took the time to smell the coffee, there was beauty in the clean sheet of white that covered everywhere and in between my blurred days, there was light; the innocence of a special child who charmed her way into my life and daily  reminds me so much of the kid in me, encouraging words from who better else than 4 prisoner friends that I receive in the sweet traditional way of a letter in an envelope from miles and miles away, a job to wake up to (winter would be slow with no paid activity) and above all love from family and friends, even across the miles that is always looming in the background no  matter the season.

My winter baby Uche is full of life no matter the season...

 

And as the earth once again changes its position around the sun, I pray that I might not use the word “crossroads” in the near future but better still that I might have the wisdom to understand that just as in the realm of nature everything in life has its own season and in due season I will reap; Joy comes in the morning.

Save The Date

So I decided to exercise my faith through actions, for long I have heard  of other people testifying how they went ahead to actualize their dreams as if they were and how eventually they did just fall in place. A friend planned a wedding, tried on gowns and even wrote the guest list and yes , she did eventually get married , 3 years now and counting.

Call it boredom after all I was snowed in on February 15^th I decided why not speak as if it were, so on one of my social media platforms an app called WhatsApp, I made a status update, “ I said Yes” and sealed it up with a hashtag #Growing  Old Together and of course  to make this believable went ahead and even put a picture  my pretty finger with some bling .And bang just like that the congratulatory messages started flowing in , almost everyone in my contact list had  something to say about my new apparent upcoming  nuptials. What had started as a slow Sunday quickly rolled on with me giggling to myself and replying mainly with a standard, “ Amen , exercising my faith”. At the end though as I reflected on how it had all gone down, I made 2 conclusions, social media has taken over the 21^st century, much as an App like WhatsApp does not have newsfeeds and unless you are really digging there is nothing in your face, people do pay attention to people’s status updates, otherwise how do you explain the people who had not as much as said a hello for months coming out of hibernation just to say a quick congratulatory message.

2. I have outlived my welcome on the open market and almost everyone wants me sold to just anyone, after all no one asked who the lucky guy. Whereas before given my upbringing if you as much as found someone out of the expected circle of must have’s you had to tread carefully and make sure the person’s other traits sold them as a fit , I feel like now as long as it is male and breathes people will sign the deal.

Problem is am not any nearer than where I started unless if you count me confessing saying yes to a non-existent person, exercising faith after all, maybe next I should get the courage to go try on some dresses, not a bad idea as who doesn’t want to see how pretty they look in nice dresses. Faith I read somewhere is seeing  light with your heart when all your eyes is see is darkness, So maybe I should stretch my faith and ask people to Save the Date, now that would be something.